ugh.

Jan. 4th, 2013 09:19 am
bouldersandbrews: (Freya - Rains of Tragedy)
So I wake up around 1:30 last night. (Early this morning? Whatever.) Lay there in that contented little half-asleep haze for a few minutes. And then BAM. Suddenly, excruciating pain. I haven't always been the most stoic person in the world when it comes to pain, but I've grown into it, as it were - not complaining much when endo comes around, pretty much just stating yeah, I'm in pain. So when I say that this was excruciating pain, I'm serious. Excruciating as in, if this continues for much longer I'm having Dave take me to the hospital. I really thought I was - I don't know, had endo adhesions that were ripping me apart internally. Bleeding out from ebola. Had eaten pieces of glass or sharp plastic that were ripping my stomach to shreds. Dying, at any rate. I'm serious here.

Still in pain, I get up quietly and go to the bathroom. Sit there for about half an hour wondering what the hell is wrong with me. There's no blood. The pain is starting to subside into the more familiar ache of endo. And I'm freezing my ass off. So I get back into bed, lay there, and wonder what caused the pain. As I always do when it comes to endo. If there was a trigger, I wish I knew what it was.

So. Third endo flareup in the last month. I've got to get this crap gone.

ETA: So apparently Dave had this same stomach thing night before last. Does the fact that this makes me feel better make me a horrible person? I'm pretty sure it does.

...wth?

Aug. 10th, 2012 03:15 pm
bouldersandbrews: (General Beatrix)
I have to call bullshit again.

A few weeks ago I got up the nerve to talk to my mother about the time when Dad was in prison. I'd been kind of afraid (afraid's not really the word, but it's the best I have) that I'd recanted and that was why he got out so early.

...

I'm not explaining this very well.

*goes to check if she's written about this already... nope*

Okay, let me try again.

So when I was eight or so, the truth about my father's molesting me came out, and he was sent to live with his mother for like a year or two while the case went to court. I only very vaguely remember this, by the way. All I really remember was that he was sent to jail, then got out really early (he did four years the first time, then for me he did a month and a half). Recently I went online to find the inmate records, and while there was a record for his time in Attica, there was no record of his having served any time for me. Upon further research I determined that there would be no record for jail time if the conviction resulting in jail time was overturned... and, in this case, that would be if I had recanted. Having been told that it was my fault he had been taken away and was in prison, this seems like it would be in character for a young, hypersensitive girl to do. Also, I had heard rumors that that was the story that went around the church as to why he'd gotten out so early. So I did the only thing I could: I asked my mom.

She said that she was fairly certain I hadn't recanted - I hadn't taken the stand at all during the case. So unless the DA entered a recantation for me, that wasn't what happened. Do I believe her? I guess so. I mean, I wouldn't necessarily put it past her to make this up so I'd feel better, but ultimately, perhaps it doesn't matter.

ANYWAY.

During this conversation, Mom said that when the case was in court, the judge asked her what she thought, and she asked him to let Dad come back into the home, because even with his flaws, kids needed a father in the home, and he was better than nothing.

I accepted this and went on about my way.

Until a few days ago.

I don't know what brought it back to mind, but something did. I was mulling this over, and -

Wait a minute. Wait just one damn minute.

Having a convicted child molester in the home is better than no male influence at all? With the fact that he clearly didn't learn his lesson the first time and a month and a half in jail isn't going to convince him any more than four years in two of the harshest prisons in America did, therefore there's a strong likelihood that he's going to do it again?

Oh hell no.

Therefore, my having to call bullshit. Her desire to have Dad back in the home had very little to do with me and Jess - if anything. It had far more to do with the fact that she didn't want to be alone and have to take care of herself.

...Who is this woman?
bouldersandbrews: (General Beatrix)
Okay, done with the first Twilight book.

...

Wow. I really cannot believe that

A - someone told Stephenie Meyer that she could write.
B - someone encouraged her to continue writing.
C - someone actually published this book.
D - that millions of people love her books.

I can only assume that these people have never read Eddings, Crichton, Tolkien, Grisham, King, Hugo, Dumas, Orwell... any sort of literature at all. Anything that was written with excellent characters, a fascinating story, a fantastic turn of phrase or gifted dialogue... anything going for it at all.

As I was reading, two things continued to come to mind:

- Bad fanfiction. Not just ordinary bad fanfiction. Bad fanfiction on the order of 'My Immortal'.
- Plan 9 From Outer Space.

It really seems like a parody of itself, the Twilight 'saga'. Takes itself way too seriously. "His smoldering eyes peered into mine, and I forgot how to breathe under the gaze of his perfection". Really? Wow.

I'm wondering if I could write this badly if I tried.
bouldersandbrews: (Schala)
Wow, okay, so I thought all my entries were private but apparently the ones that were already friends-only didn't get changed. Weird. Oh well, I don't really care. Just thought it was weird when Lace was commenting on entries that were like a million years old when I thought they were all private. Then I had to go check to make sure that the really bad ones hadn't somehow been made public or something. Good thing I'm not paranoid or anything.

So. Yeah. Lace doesn't like Livejournal. She wants me to move to Wordpress. Little does she know that I've started writing in my deardiary.net again! Really though, it's all copypasta from here anyway. Oh well, it's now a Wordpress format so she might not hate it as much as Livejournal :P

...Also, you totally hurt my Livejournal's feelings. I had to give it a hug and tell it you didn't really mean it. It was pretty sad.

So yeah, probably going to the beach later. The Lakers won last night, I'm irritated by that. Umm... kind of tired. Have to do my nails again 'cause they chipped ALREADY. Grr.

...
bouldersandbrews: (Default)
lol. Someone apparently got trapped in the mail jail and bent the bars to get out. It's really an amazing thing to see. So the HOA or someone has called someone to fix the mail jail (because the world would end if the mail weren't locked up twice instead of just being locked up in everyone's individual boxes), and the dude is just standing there staring at it. Don't feel bad, dude, I wouldn't know what to do about it either.

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