ugh.

Jan. 4th, 2013 09:19 am
bouldersandbrews: (Freya - Rains of Tragedy)
So I wake up around 1:30 last night. (Early this morning? Whatever.) Lay there in that contented little half-asleep haze for a few minutes. And then BAM. Suddenly, excruciating pain. I haven't always been the most stoic person in the world when it comes to pain, but I've grown into it, as it were - not complaining much when endo comes around, pretty much just stating yeah, I'm in pain. So when I say that this was excruciating pain, I'm serious. Excruciating as in, if this continues for much longer I'm having Dave take me to the hospital. I really thought I was - I don't know, had endo adhesions that were ripping me apart internally. Bleeding out from ebola. Had eaten pieces of glass or sharp plastic that were ripping my stomach to shreds. Dying, at any rate. I'm serious here.

Still in pain, I get up quietly and go to the bathroom. Sit there for about half an hour wondering what the hell is wrong with me. There's no blood. The pain is starting to subside into the more familiar ache of endo. And I'm freezing my ass off. So I get back into bed, lay there, and wonder what caused the pain. As I always do when it comes to endo. If there was a trigger, I wish I knew what it was.

So. Third endo flareup in the last month. I've got to get this crap gone.

ETA: So apparently Dave had this same stomach thing night before last. Does the fact that this makes me feel better make me a horrible person? I'm pretty sure it does.

FINE. Damn.

Jan. 3rd, 2013 02:26 pm
bouldersandbrews: (Ursula - Yeah right)
I don't want to do this. But realizing that it's Thursday, and I'm talking to Mom next week... I have to make a list of what I need to say to her, to refer to, so I don't forget anything (or worse, get all emotional and spastic and... uh, forget things).

I'll put it all behind a cut so you can skip it if you like. Can't blame you if you do skip it. It's my life and I want to skip this part of it.

Do yourself a favor, skip it. No seriously. )

Ugh! I can't take any more of this right now.
bouldersandbrews: (Freya - Rains of Tragedy)
I've been shying away from writing - from even thinking. I know this is doing myself an injustice, but I find it very difficult to face things that are painful.

Such as only recently discovered repercussions from my father's actions toward me. Thinking about it is painful. Remembering, analyzing, trying to be logical - painful.

But things have to be faced, sooner or later. Later seems to being about more pain - inaction does this, I've noticed.

I seem to love to debate whose actions were more damaging, my mother's or my father's. I'm getting to the point where I can't decide - they're in a dead heat right now.

I think I need to work on my memoirs some more.
bouldersandbrews: (Sailor Pluto - Dead Scream)
My head hurts. Bet you couldn't tell that from my subject line, though. :P

It has been a busy month.

Wow, I don't even know where to begin. Here are my major talking (typing?) points, though, and maybe I'll get through them:

New car.
New place.
Greg.
Balboa Park.
Passover etc.
Diet.
TMI type stuff.
Jess.
That might be all, we'll see.

So new car. The HMS was making funny noises, so Dave took it in to the mechanic, and it died a block before it got there. The engine was terminal, so we decided that, rather than get the HMS a new engine, it was time to buy a new car. Long story short, we're now driving a thus-far-unnamed Buick Century. Which runs. Nicely. And it's comfortable. And it looks cool.

Next... new place. So after the HMS died, we decided we needed to cut expenses (since either way, whether we fixed the HMS or bought a new car, it would be about the same amount, which was more than we could afford), and our place, while wonderful, is more than we can afford, so we started place-hunting again... long story short, Larry the Landlord knocked the rent back a bit, I'm going to get a part-time job, so we're staying here.

So Dave's brother Greg was arrested last month on a twenty-year-old DUI charge, he was extradited to California, so we've been going up on Friday nights, staying at Dave's mom's, and Dave and Cathy have been visiting Greg in the morning. Not a bad thing at all, just tiring, because it's almost a two-hour drive up and back. Apparently Greg's doing well, by the way, and we're hoping the judge will throw this out, since after the DUI Greg stopped breaking the law completely and it was twenty years ago.

Balboa Park. Hayden's been doing this parkour thing in the park every other Sunday, so since Sundays are our day with the kids, we've been going and hanging out in the park till Hayden's done parkouring. It ends up being a long day, but Balboa Park's nice. Linz and I are kind of getting a little tired of it, though, so we're trying to think up something fun to do tomorrow while Hayden's parkouring.

So Tuesday night we go up to Harold's for the Passover service (or, if you're us, it's the Lord's Supper and we just refer to it as Passover because we're... lazy? Less syllables. I dunno). Dave's excited because he's been asked to speak, and does a great job (I'm really proud of him). Drive back that night, get around the next day to have the Beatties over for Night To Be Much Observed or, The Old Testament Passover. Okay, this entire paragraph so far has been a bow in David Beattie's direction :-) Anyways, we have them over, I fail at the yams, Dave fails at the fire, but we all have fun anyway, and end up staying up way too late. Andrew stays the night with us, and the next morning we chat before he goes back home to LA.

What's next? Oh, the freaking diet of doom. So I've stopped with the garlic and the pills, and I've started with pau d'arco tea, coconut oil, and undecenoic acid. Since I have the worst memory evar, I can't say whether it's working or not, since sometimes I don't remember to take it. If I were to remember to do so, though, it might work, who knows? I really need to remember to do this, though. Honestly, how can I seriously expect to beat this thing if I don't remember to do the treatments? Blar.

The TMI is LJ-cut, I'm a merciful crazy person :P )

So my sister. I really don't even know what to say about this, but I'm obsessing. I just can't stop thinking about her. I'm sure this fact will piss her off, because she seems ultra-volatile lately, but she's my sister, and I love her, and I'm seriously worried about her. I think that's all I'm going to say about it, for now anyway.

So that might actually be everything now. I'm hungry. I know that. Yeah, so, food. Right on it.

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