Dec. 2nd, 2012 05:42 pm
bouldersandbrews: (Sephiroth - Nice view)
She feels a dull ache begin in her head, spreading quickly to her heart and stomach. She then feels a pressure in her throat, almost an ache, and the first tear slides down her cheek.

They're leaving.

It's the kind of thing one is vaguely aware of, like one is vaguely aware that people in Africa eat monkeys. Vaguely aware of it, but it doesn't have any sort of real impact because it isn't immediate, real, there.

But if one were to travel to Africa and actually see it happen -

They're leaving!

She knew it had to happen someday, that there was no logical reason for her to believe that Hayden and Lindsay would both spend the rest of their lives in San Diego. But to realize that in just over two weeks, they'd be gone -

It hits her. She feels like she imagines it would feel to be punched in the stomach with no warning. She's vaguely tempted to ask someone to punch her in the stomach for the sole purpose of having a basis for comparison. But that won't change the facts.

They're leaving...

Lindsay's trip to Australia is sort of drastic, she feels - but it'll be good for Lindsay to experience life away from her family for a few months. She feels that Lindsay needs that kind of experience, that kind of freedom. And after all, Lindsay's coming back in six months or so - this isn't a permanent move. True, it's almost half a year - and that's a long time - but at least she's coming back.

But Hayden...

She's always felt more of a connection with Hayden. Lindsay is sweet, funny, fun to be around - very likable, but what the two of them have in common is fairly surface. They have similar personality traits, similar viewpoints on many things. Hayden, though - they share personality traits as well. They share interests, humor, their rage at the world. She feels that she can be more herself around Hayden - that she can allow him to see some of the darkness she keeps caged up. Certainly not all of it - but more than she can show Lindsay, princess of sweetness and light. Hayden knows and understands darkness. One of the things she likes so much about Lindsay is that Lindsay doesn't know or understand darkness. That makes her likable, but it also means that she cannot relate to her as well.

And Hayden's leaving. Moving away to the East Coast. Not coming back in six months. Maybe not coming back ever. The thought depresses her enormously. She knows that he needs to get out of - at least his mother's house, if not the area entirely. She knows he needs to start a life of his own, a life that's his, that he can live without having to answer to his parents - a life that he can bring a wife into, someday. She knows it's entirely selfish, her sorrow at his moving away. And sure, there's texting, Facebook, Skype - but she looks at it, brutally and frankly - they rarely text, Facebook, or Skype now, and she doesn't expect that to change. No one texts/Skypes their stepmom. How very uncool.

And so she sighs and prepares to drown her sadness in alcohol. Because sometimes what cannot be changed or dealt with must just be drowned for a while.
bouldersandbrews: (Sailor Pluto - Dead Scream)
My head hurts. Bet you couldn't tell that from my subject line, though. :P

It has been a busy month.

Wow, I don't even know where to begin. Here are my major talking (typing?) points, though, and maybe I'll get through them:

New car.
New place.
Balboa Park.
Passover etc.
TMI type stuff.
That might be all, we'll see.

So new car. The HMS was making funny noises, so Dave took it in to the mechanic, and it died a block before it got there. The engine was terminal, so we decided that, rather than get the HMS a new engine, it was time to buy a new car. Long story short, we're now driving a thus-far-unnamed Buick Century. Which runs. Nicely. And it's comfortable. And it looks cool.

Next... new place. So after the HMS died, we decided we needed to cut expenses (since either way, whether we fixed the HMS or bought a new car, it would be about the same amount, which was more than we could afford), and our place, while wonderful, is more than we can afford, so we started place-hunting again... long story short, Larry the Landlord knocked the rent back a bit, I'm going to get a part-time job, so we're staying here.

So Dave's brother Greg was arrested last month on a twenty-year-old DUI charge, he was extradited to California, so we've been going up on Friday nights, staying at Dave's mom's, and Dave and Cathy have been visiting Greg in the morning. Not a bad thing at all, just tiring, because it's almost a two-hour drive up and back. Apparently Greg's doing well, by the way, and we're hoping the judge will throw this out, since after the DUI Greg stopped breaking the law completely and it was twenty years ago.

Balboa Park. Hayden's been doing this parkour thing in the park every other Sunday, so since Sundays are our day with the kids, we've been going and hanging out in the park till Hayden's done parkouring. It ends up being a long day, but Balboa Park's nice. Linz and I are kind of getting a little tired of it, though, so we're trying to think up something fun to do tomorrow while Hayden's parkouring.

So Tuesday night we go up to Harold's for the Passover service (or, if you're us, it's the Lord's Supper and we just refer to it as Passover because we're... lazy? Less syllables. I dunno). Dave's excited because he's been asked to speak, and does a great job (I'm really proud of him). Drive back that night, get around the next day to have the Beatties over for Night To Be Much Observed or, The Old Testament Passover. Okay, this entire paragraph so far has been a bow in David Beattie's direction :-) Anyways, we have them over, I fail at the yams, Dave fails at the fire, but we all have fun anyway, and end up staying up way too late. Andrew stays the night with us, and the next morning we chat before he goes back home to LA.

What's next? Oh, the freaking diet of doom. So I've stopped with the garlic and the pills, and I've started with pau d'arco tea, coconut oil, and undecenoic acid. Since I have the worst memory evar, I can't say whether it's working or not, since sometimes I don't remember to take it. If I were to remember to do so, though, it might work, who knows? I really need to remember to do this, though. Honestly, how can I seriously expect to beat this thing if I don't remember to do the treatments? Blar.

The TMI is LJ-cut, I'm a merciful crazy person :P )

So my sister. I really don't even know what to say about this, but I'm obsessing. I just can't stop thinking about her. I'm sure this fact will piss her off, because she seems ultra-volatile lately, but she's my sister, and I love her, and I'm seriously worried about her. I think that's all I'm going to say about it, for now anyway.

So that might actually be everything now. I'm hungry. I know that. Yeah, so, food. Right on it.


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