bouldersandbrews: (Quistis - Whatever Tomorrow Brings)
Dear Raisin,

Happy birthday, sweetie :) I know your birthday was yesterday, but Mommy was very busy yesterday, and didn't have time to write you a letter. I promise I didn't forget about you, though: you were on my mind a lot of the day. I was thinking about how it would be to be driving in the car and singing songs with you and your daddy, showing you the cacti and the lizard and the jackrabbit, telling you about all the neat things we would do once we found the place we wanted to buy.

You would have been three years old yesterday, my dear. Running around, asking questions, playing, talking, laughing - alive. Maybe you would have liked to watch me play video games, talk on C3 with my MoW buds, bake bread and write. Maybe you would have preferred playing basketball and running with Daddy. I don't know, dear - and I'll never know. But it's still nice to think about, you asking why Princess Ashe ran away, learning how to shoot a three pointer.

I love you, sweetheart. I don't think about you every day, but I think about you frequently. I miss having you with me, and I love you.

Love,
Mommy
bouldersandbrews: (Agrias - Quiet Determination)
Dear Raisin,

Happy birthday :-) Today would have been the day I held you in my arms for the first time. Today would have been the day you met Mommy and Daddy, these odd people you'd been listening to for nine months. You would have seen the woman who was singing to you and talking to you all the time, the man who spoke to you and told you all sorts of wonderful interesting things. Today would have been the day you received a name - Catherine or James, depending on which suited you better. Today would have been the day you would have joined our little family.

But that ended up not being the case. Today is a sad day for Mommy, instead. Today is a day that she remembers seeing you far too soon. Today is a day where I can only think of you and mourn you. I can't see you today. I can't see my son or daughter today, a day which was supposed to be a happy occasion - the happiest of occasions.

I don't know what went wrong, sweetie. I don't know what happened, what caused you to leave me so soon. I don't know. But I know that I miss you. I know that I still think about you, still talk about you. I know that with every baby I see, I wonder what you would have been like. Would you have had green eyes like me, or blue ones like your daddy? Would you have liked video games or basketball better? Would you have wanted Hayden to teach you parkour? Would you have liked shopping with Lindsay?

Sadly, we don't get to meet each other anytime soon. But maybe someday we will, and I'll finally get to see my baby, my little Raisin child.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Love,
Mommy

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Boulders And Brews

January 2013

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